If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
