That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
