Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
