Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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