I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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