hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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