Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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