you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
