Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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