Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
