At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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