Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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