when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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