I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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