Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
