Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
