im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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