wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
