I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My liver just broke up with me...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
