Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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