haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
you made out with another girl for some wings
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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