i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
