the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
