Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i am craving dick and cupcakes
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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