The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
