At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
