I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
