ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
