They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
