I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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