I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
