I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
