Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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