You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
