can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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