And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
