My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
