where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
and you fell through a lawn chair
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