Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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