i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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