ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
