I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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