I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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