Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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