Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
