Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
