your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
