**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
