I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I love you. Go after that dick
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
