You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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