At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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