Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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