Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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