like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
