Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
