I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize