I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
