Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
