I wish life had little blips of pornography
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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